lately people have been too busy with friendster to update their blogs. i am not spared either.
this entry is inspired by my gay friend ben.

Toys'r'us are full of fascinating toys, and everytime we walk out of there, or any shop we were shopping at. we end up wanting something. so my topic revolves around why do we want it.

1.) Because it is nice?
Sure it is nice, notice the things that used to be nice lying around in parts of your room. novelty doesn't last forever.

2a.)Because it is necessary?
Ok i forgot to tell you all to exclude necessary items.

Tubi.)Because we just want to spend money? A.k.a. too much money, low bank interest rates, et cetera.
A person does not acheive ultimate happiness even after he or she finishes their funds.

3.)Because we want to get an experience by doing something in a different way in a different perspective?
ok the person who contributed the point answered it.

"we wan things bcos we dun wan it. how many times have we got wat we want and ask if this is really wat we want? we wan things probably bcos we wan to experience things the way we havent felt b4, in a diff way in diff perspective. "
- Kay B

4.)Due to insecurities?
once again the person who contributed answered it.

"it's like u feel inadequate or frustrated and buying/owning stuff u see w/o thinking just soothes u. like u're in control(which is bull). " - ur funky sexy cool sista

5.)Because of comformity, peer pressure?

6.)Because of some perverse habit?(like, if this girl really LOVES pink stuff, she'll wanna own all the pink clothes/cushions/pens/bags/earrings/shoes/yaddayadda)

7.)Because we are hardly ever satisfied with the present?

8.)Because we are abounded by the adaptation-level principle - each time we get to a desired level of happiness, we adapt to it and require something else (better) to make us happy?

a similarity can be found in points 5, 6, 7 and 8. that similarity is the point i was trying to bring out.

i feel that we want something simply because we don't have it. we don't have that object. once you have it, you probably would not buy it again. imagine someone buying the same shirt twice, thrice or four times just because you like it.

i've read somewhere that attraction between the both sexes is due to this reason. the girls have what the guys don't, thus "inducing" a desire in the male to own or have a female. same goes for the females. but then there are people who have two or more emotional and sexual partners, maybe this is because he hasn't had the experince of having multiple partners and find it gratifying. so in a way the act of infidelity was comparative to an object that he or she does not have.

rather, i find the adaptation-level principle more of a better explanation.

feedback is very much welcomed.

Do you know your desires?

got a comment system up. credits to my sis and her significant other. cheers.
it is kinda inconvenient though, but i am very contented.

So keep bleeding your fake blood
Though no one even see's it
If that's the best you can make up
At least act like you mean it

Give up the grudge
Shut your fuckin' mouth
Why you gotta judge everybody but yourself?
Take a look around you
There ain't nobody home
I may be a loser, but at least I'm not alone

-GOB : give up the grudge

anyone of you reading my blog actually reads this magazine called Discover? one of my favourite pastime is to sit somewhere undisturbed reading it. it's mostly about scientific discovery and all, very thought provoking. then there's this section at the back where you can do experiments on yourselves and understand your brain better. one of these experiments plus my friend(lionel the bird) inspired this entry.

although this is not the exact experiment but the geist of it is about here.
1-when was the last time you suspected your close friend for treason, somehow all the evidence seems to discrimnate your friend.
2-how about when you are seriously in love with someone and everything he or she says seems to add up to the opposite sex having good impressions of you?

ok if you still don't get it this is how the actual experiment went, a series of 6 photographs are displayed, they actually show the same thing only that each has been blurred to a different degree, and are arranged in order of clarity. you start by looking at the first picture, then after that try and deduced what was portrayed. proceeding on to the next 3 or 4 pictures you would still probably hold on to the your original conjecture, justifying every new bit of visual clue revealed towards your belief, only to be disappointed at the last or second last images.

my point is that the human brain is often stubborn and we often think we are right, but the fact is we are choosing what we want to believe. we often cling on the first hypothesis we generate and feel even more confident when we can prove ourselves, but what we are actually doing is seeing the world through a straw, a straw of ego and self-deception. our own perspective is just one straw, have you tried putting yourselves in other people's shoes? and usually if the matter of concern involves a few people, the univolved's perspective is comparative to a pipe.

unfortunately, this entry was written from what i see from my straw, i need more straws from other people, so i need your comments, maybe talk to me or something, because i can't seem to get a tag-board, guestbook, etc. on this blog.

Have you widen your perspective today?

"fate fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer..."
<feeling this - blink 182>

can't get this song out of my head, somehow god must have heard me. The man above showed me actually that decisiveness and guts were lacking instead. maybe it's a right choice, for he has great plans for me ahead, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, i shall trust in the lord. don't have my bible with me, it's a very well-known quote used to death by speakers everywhere.

guess the baccalaureate service was very touching, many were left in tears and a few adopting christian faith, on the contrary, i can't wait to get out of school. maybe because i hate acjc. still felt the bond between my graduating class in scondary school is stronger than this.

got some philosophy but haven't found a good way to put it down.

"I fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer..."

these were actual things said by people around me and i heard it with my own ears. taught and motivated me.

Numero uno
during a religous and moral educaation period back in my secondary school, the teacher asked us why we belived in the religion we believed in, then he offered his own explanation for being a christian. he said there were two choices for him, christian or atheist. so he said scenario 1, when he dies and finds out god does not exists, too bad. scenario 2, when he dies and god exists, jackpot(i'm quoting him exactly for this part). Nothing to lose.

Number two
also happened in my secondary school when our vice-principal brother michael, was giving a talk about guys maturing, i wasn't paying much attention, then he said something that goes like,"someday you all will wake up, something somewhere will inspire and motivate you, it's just a matter of time" somehow i've applied this quote to a few friends and i have to add this on, "better late than never"
"Somebody shake me 'cause I
I must be sleeping"
-<so far away: staind>

also i belive that it's how much an individual desires to be, that determines the rate of sucess. i can speak of such cos i had a personal experience. but this was not heard so it doesn't count as number three. just a miscellanous thought.

what have you risked today?
do you want to be motivated and awaken?
how tall is your desire in face of doubts, temptations and uncertainties?

i found a response, which means that my blog is actually read! hurray! maybe i should get one of those meters counting the number of visits to my blog.

ok why did i replied i was lazy in the first place when i could have said i was doing a timed-assignment to avoid the predicament. this brings me to two of my characteristics.

firstly, i do not like to disclose information about myself to anyone, not even close friends, unless it serves a purpose. i dunno why this happens, i just tend to be very quiet most of the time.

secondly, i don't concoct lies unless i absolutely have to, though i may try to avoid saying things out about myself i will not resort to lying, unless i'm joking around.

which was why i chose to say i was lazy instead cos i don't feel the need to tell good friend one where i was and what i was doing, secondly i said i was lazy which was true cos i do have a choice to stop the time work and continuing it later, but i was lazy. which was also why i asked him whether it was urgent, if he left his wallet behind or IC then i would have went. even then he should be excused by the teacher, have we not seen how our residential muscle-man zhang excuse himself out of class for reasons more ridiculous?

as for incident number two, for everyone out there here's a quote.
"you've never seen me get upset before."
-ethan hunt: mission impossible

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger
-Dave matthew

i don't want to live forever but i want to witness the world change.

today was a kind of interesting day. somehow i pissed two people off, and these two happen to be very close to me, people whom i spend most of my time in school with, and topping it off i could have screamed down their neck for what they did, but somehow i manage to keep my temper well leashed and showed almost no signs of it.

incident number one
while i was doing a time-assignment in the library today during an econs free period good friend number 1 messaged me and ask if i could run up to 6th floor and pick up something for him he left behind under his table.
so i replied,"i'm too lazy to get it. seriously."
after a while he replied this,"nvm dun want to bother a cock".
the first thought that went through my mind was,"so anybody who doesn't help is a cock?" i mean like you expect every of your friends to help you anytime you need them? what if they are unavailable and cannot help because they could not?
so i asked him,"is it urgent if not you could get it when you are free during recess which was like 10 minutes away." no reply.
20 minutes into recess i was deeply engrossed with my assignment then comes his message," come and collect your DSTA file from me downstairs, i'm too lazy to bring the file up to you.seriously."
trying my best to avoid an unnecessary argument,
my reply to that was,"then pass it to anybody going for the f maths lecture, cos i will see them after the recess"
sure it wasn't eternity before my phone vibrated,"i'm too lazy to pass it to the f maths students and they are too lazy to pass it to you. recess still got ten minutes you should be free what."
maybe because i was in the library i did not say what the fuck.
so i replied,"i'm doing a timed assignment, i asked whether you were urgent to get what you left behind, if u had said anything i might have went." obviously i was still trying not to use swear words.
when i got into the lecture i saw a copy of FIRST(scholarship magazine thingy) and lying above it the DSTA file, couldn't be bothered, after that during physics lecture good friend number one could not even managed a simple sorry. all he did was sit somewhere else, distancing himself away. i had to initiate the conversation.
"eh so what was the thing u left behind? "
"my file."
"so it was very urgent?"
"all my stuff NOT inside there"
"thanx for distracting me with your msgs and being selfish and calculative la" he did not respond.
" i said thanx for fucking wasting my time all because you could not even bother to ask whether you could be excused out of class to get your file" maybe it was noisy all around, i had to make myself heard.
"yo....."
"ya whatever"
after a while, alan, who was sitting directly in front of me asked me out of the blue,"eh u are still pissed with good friend number one is it?"
i said stoically,"nah, i'm used to his behaviour. he is always king, i can't change that."

Incident number 2
after school, not really actually cos many of us decide to give physics tutorial a miss, quite a number of people stayed back to exercise and all. not surprisingly soccer was on the minds of most of us there, i managed to form quite a formidable team which comprised of good friend number two. after a few consecutive losses our team looked tired so some of us paid the water cooler a visit, however good friend number 2 and another of my recently acquainted teammates went of to play (touch)rugby. suddenly it was our turn on the soccer arena, but half my team was missing, then somebody pointed out that they were on the field playing rugby, so some really kind fellows shouted at them to come back. then good friend number two seemed to have heard us calling but he turned back to concentrate on his current game. meanwhile the team waiting behind us took the oppurtunity to play, saying our team wasn't ready. then i was pissed, i shouted at good friend number two to come over quickly, turning behind the players were in kick-off position.
so i said,"eh don't like that leh.." before i could finish my sentence, the ball rolled off the kick-offer's foot.
that got me seething mad,"eh don't cb leh!" only a few people turn to look at me. play resumes as non-chalantly as the earth spins. getting mad was not a solution.
if i could get my players back i had faith we could interupt play. so i kept shouting at good friend number two.
another friend started teasing me,"don't show off your commando powers by showing everyone how loud you can shout..." gee that helped. irony was, the guy teasing me was as much a potential commando as i am.
finally i got fed up as the imbecile on the other end was either acting blur or he couldn't make out what i was saying.
so i shouted,"because you did not come back in time you skipped our turn."
suddenly everyone was like,"eh relac ar gang...."
maybe i sounded a tad too harsh.
after that i got new teammates and forgot about my friend on the field, after a couple of hours maybe i decided to "retire". so i sat at the bleaches beside my bag and cooled down, i looked around and could not find good friend number two or his bag, maybe he went of so i decided to go bathe, after i bathed i went to meet alan so we could walked towards the mrt together, whilst i walk past the "arena" good friend number two was playing soccer there! as i walked past him he gave me a buay-song-an-zhua face so i was puzzled and continued towards alan. after a while i realised he was pissed at me. but for what? i should be pissed at him(but i wasn't), many pple liked to believe i was pissed i guess simply because it is a rarity. i just(while posting this blog) recieved a message from good friend number two asking me why i was so pissed at him this afternoon.

put yourself in my shoes(size 10 UK), help me judge what went wrong on my part, i would like to have some opinion from other people.
have you tamed the tempest within today?