This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song, for you, and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best, it wasn't me
Will you give it back, and I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want
Is this what you need
How you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that it would be this way,
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now I am gone, just try and stop me, now.

You wanted the best, but it wasn't me
Will you give it back, now i'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want
Is this what you need
How you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Will you need me now ?
You'll find a way somehow
You want it too
I want it too

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

[the last song : the all american rejects]

basically not the whole song expresses what i want to say. the parts in bold are quite very true.
i want to write my own songs. will be conscripted tommorow(28th), hope it will be fun and not as tough as i think or heard.

blah blah this blog is messing up

here's a better way to get your attention lao jie. if i'm not wrong you did two sessions with boyle and i did five, so the next one can get $$$ liao but they haven't called me for the next session leh, maybe they don't want to pay monet to make the van gogh. somehow the comments thing kinda screwed up when i added more features on this site, aiya maybe i should go borrow a template language book and learn up, but no time liao la. but you can still use the comments slot on the phlogger nonsense it works pretty well.

i want to go out and spend money but no money, not to mention about the prosperous amount of deficit i will be carrying over the chinese new year. then when i get the money time for ns already. all i hope is that i can bear through the ten months of training then after that can slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack slack.
i also want to jam, get a new amp, go wireless, and learn how to play and write solos all day. maybe i should just get the band jamming regularly to start. been in a semi-fever state for days, SARS maybe. i have all the symptons of fever except that my brain works well, as in clear blue skies and no headache or dizzyness. been too busy worrying about my fitness that i haven't been really making an effort to remember my "philosophies", i think pretty often but most probably forget it when i arrive at my stop. maybe a tape recorder is good for me, i personally think using a tape recorder is weird in public transport. what if i had this tune i have in mind and wanted to record down. the whole bus or train or whatever you are in would be quite noisy. it would be good to have a car.

one thing i can stand is people scrutinizing, which really reminds me of some people i used to see daily. you know those people that has to judge everyone, has got a say about everything, even when their opinions are not asked for they still have to come up with some saying that makes them the "man" of the moment that kind of stuff. good riddance, praise the lord amen. please. or let me kick their asses at least.

played german bridge with a close friend of mine, really cool game. while playing i reminded myself how i resembled this sore loser i also used to see daily. thinking of that loser and the things he does just make me want to give him a punch in the face to knock he's teeth out to make him shut up.

after a brief session of bridge i went to play street soccer with that same friend. that place where i sprained my ankle, reminded me of that time when i sprained my ankle and this guy who thinks he is damn good. in actual fact he sucked big time, worse thing is i heard he is going into the same place for ns as me. my other team members knew very well i had problems moving around, then this big ass kept bossing me around in the defense asking me to mark this guy mark that guy, then he would just stand there instead and make me go across to mark the other guy. when he let this guy through due to his failure in defensive skills, but it seems to me like a lack of grey substance in the upper region of the head, and i tried to block the shot and failed he blamed me for not covering that guy, wonderful teammate with an excellent sense of responsibility, best thing is i have to see his face for 2.5 years. high five man.

everytime i played soccer my back hurts the next day, i think i have to stop playing. this also applies to slinging my guitar. basically i can't do things i want to do.

this entry was more of a tribute to the people that made my life enjoyable and refreshing. i seem like a guy who holds grudges, ya maybe i do. but i don't give a f___. i don't give a f___ for those i hold a grudge against, why should i go easy on them, i should kick their asses up their faces. maybe i should have written their names out in case i chance upon a gun one day. maybe i should do good and see how God deals with these people, at the rate i'm getting to know more and more of these people it seems like a bloody big maybe.

your asshole.


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my wish come true! sprained my back had to lay on bed one whole day like a paraplegic and wasted myself will be spending the rest of my days at home. now i'm am scared, quite scared. i read in this book i stolen from library by stephen king. in one of the short stories one of the characters hypothsized he's theory on fear. summing up he says there are two kinds of scared, real scared and just scared. just scared is when you know things are going to be okay, being paranoid just to be safe. then there is real scared when someone swings an axe to your neck and you piss in your pants really scared, and your brains don't seem to be working because there is no apparent solution. anyway i'm kinda having a long-term "really scared" kind of scared i may end up a clerk because if this back injury. had some philosophy while i was dozing off watching the stars spin on the back of my dad's lorry, refreshing experience. falling asleep is a wonderful thing, especially if you wake up and the sun is still shining, bonus if the birds are chirping.

about my last last post i feel that eventually everything works in about the same way, like at first we thought that humans were like superior because we are self-conscious, then there's this determinism thing where everything that happens is just due to a cause. if you display food within the sight range of a famished animal, it's instinct will tell it to grab. so the cause here is the food and the effect is the action of obtaining the food. we operate simillarly where everyday we have numerous cause and effects taking place, just that our causes are more intricate. i hope you get my point. then there was once scientist were mainly atheists, breakthroughs and new theories explaining everything that was purplexing, rain was due to a water cycle not the gods crying. lightning is due to the build up of charges on earth and thunder was due to the rapid expansion of air caused by lightning instead of the gods being angry. but like george bernard shaw said,"science cannot solve a problem without bringing up ten more". scientists eventually came to a block, and there were unexplainables. very simple example, your mathematical constant pi(3.14......). this pi originated when this itallian(if i'm not wrong) man was bored enough to study circles and realised this constant connected the diameter and the circumference. lo and behold, this constant also fits in nicely in gravitational, fluidity and other complex and bombastic equations. so how come everything fixes up so nicely. oh you might say that gravitation had to do with large masses which are mostly spherical, thus pi and fluids tend to be spherical ok. then how about sine cosine and tangent, this mathematical operation derived from triangles gets involved in most of your scientific equations that does not always have triangles. so "everything's eventual"(the title of the stolen book)

all this is just a matter of perspective.
how easy it is to put down all this crap i typed down with an aching back.

new year resolution:
try all the cocktails and spirits out there.