yesterday was damn freaking fun. went to check out dbl o with cheah and ks, must have spent like over 100 bucks yesterday, an unprecedented high, me being a poor bloke. drank and drank forgot all about my ippt, shit. but we got damn high, ok i was just sufficiently high. poor ks had to down one and a half graveyards because we didn't know it was one for one. gin tonic tasted like shit. bee poh gave me a list of shooters, none of which the bartenders could prepare, was kinda disappointing. think ks was on the verge of getting wasted hah, i'm starting to suspect that cheah was even more sober than me. anyway we were just dancing ourselves crazy on the floor then this ang-moh gal(?) came along and started sliming ks, i was delirious man. then the gal(?), ok according to cheah "she" is a tranny, came and slime me a bit, haha lucky i kept my hands to myself else i would have been shocked out of my high-ness. den ks got his hands all over her hugging and all, think she was quite taken aback, but she kept coming back to dance with ks haha. when she was gone, ks just started to go to any gal and tried to slime them i was almost laughing my head off. it's always kinda shitty when the music stops and you are still high, so i suggested we take a walk to get sober, den ks started to talk so much nonsense, intermittenly mentioning that the "tranny" was cute, whether she still remembers him next morning and asking for her number haha. it was quite debateable though, can't be bothered whether she was a tranny or not.

i drank a fallen lambourghini, den a shot of sex on the beach, half a jug of vodka ribena, a shot of jd, a round glass and a half worth of round the world, half a tumbler glass of graveyard and one times gin tonic, plus a tiny bit of malibu pineapple.

think i blog best at night, when most people are asleep. becoming more and more of a night person.

tried this astrology thing, so here's what it spewed out after a series of tedious mouse clicks.

Sun in 12th house:You're proud of your inner resources, your faith. The center of your life is hidden from view. You're creative behind-the-scenes. You express your individuality through behind-the-scenes service. You want to express your authority privately.

Moon in 2nd house:There are changes in your values. You're emotional about money. You're protective of your possessions. Your mother's influence is felt in your values. Your emotional security need is fulfilled through having money.

Mercury in 12th house:What you think and talk about is very private and you do not communicate your innermost thoughts to others.

quite accurate this thing. mum's talking to me, i shall stop blogging now.
yes please tag on the tag board, so that i know who's reading and all, after all the effort i went through, actually not much effort la but just drop me a message.

i'm no star wars fan. i fancied this skin for simplicity. many asked me to put up a tagboard. so here you are. flood me with your eager responses.

"There comes a time to question the decisions you've made. Do you do it out of desire or fear and pressure?"

i've been hearing this quote too often. for me i question myself every single day. desire seems to be out of flavour as days pass by in hell hendon. i can't justify the fear and pressure induced decisions. how much and under what circumstances? will i make the same decisions again? what will other people think?

everyday in the army i thought who the hell cares about you. it's the only way to get around. truth is everybody is so self-centered that's how we were meant to be. meant to be?(made you mean. tell you later.) not like i'm some superstar scrutinized by the paparazzi. do unto others what you want others do unto you, seems like most of social rules and laws are bound to this. who the hell cares what the fuck you do when you don't even care about other people.

made to be? this 2 years of dwelling in a hellhole, it's meant to be, naturally man are made like that. why go against the flow and act as if you are special and different from the rest? if you are meant to be this way then so be it, all this social sickness can never be healed, so much for"if everybody do their part, the world will change", it ends up you are the only sucker left doing shitwork for everybody. nice guys finish last. what did you work so hard for? a pat on the back? can you shirk duties off with that? can it get you anywhere with that? you are probably marked for more incoming shit, guy patting you's thinking, what a sucker, seems like i got a loser to cover my duties. everything and everybody happen for a reason. oh that guy he said hi to me, what is it he wants of me now. your reason is to be exploited. fucked up.

some say that army is a preview of life in the working world.

"suffer and die you bastard."- initiation into army, written on a piece of crumpled paper hanged from upstairs by outgoing seniors.

P-90 does make a nice sound when firing live rounds, the subsonic rounds sound even nicer. wanted to leave my earplugs out but i was firing the noisy useless singapore weapon.

rode bao's bike for more than 400 metres today! what an acheivement! took video of myself riding the bike and bao doing a wheelie.

studio time was wasted stoning around. maybe we should have wrote songs instead.

lao jie how are you doing in us? do take care of yourself, got your message, yeah i will do something about my life. can't wish you happy birthday on friday cos i was feeding mosquitos till saturday morning. have you recieved the mms already? read your documents about you waiting for tim and all, well i think you shouldn't worry much, successful and headstrong women are attractive to mature men, i say all you need is faith, nothing else required, take care ok? do check in with me regularly to let me know how you are doing.

how do all the musicians just change their style and experiment with different kinds of sound, it simply amazes me. i'm just so devoid of creativeness. i think switchfoot is a good example, they've got very nice sounds. soooooooooo into green day's american idiot album now. dun really feel like sleeping though it's late.

i kinda like singing backup vocals, been thinking about taking lessons. talking to nik is always so enriching, i always learn something new from him. i must say those ntm days inspired me to pick up the guitar once more, i mean since there's nothing to do why not give the guitar a chance, with nik mentoring me, guitar playing is on a whole new level now, so much more to find out and learn. with piano theory sturdy LJ, i'm excited with the potential amount of progress awaiting me.

studio time is getting more and more sian, think it's time to cut down on studio and do more "pre-jams". was talking to bao and ed about it. hopefully we can really get moving to writing an original piece. chua's got the lines. bao's got the riff's. drums shouldn't be a problem. wonder what's holding us back all this time.

wanted to go swim but no kaki, exercise is demanding on discipline for me now. must stop procrastination, else it would be more than just discipline. had a health check in camp and i've got 19.9% fats in me, that's like .1% below the yardstick for unhealthy, time to watch my food intake and increase fat out-burn.

am i neglecting my friends? seems like the only reason we talk is because of material possesions. so who should do what? should i pay them more attention? i must admit ever since enlistment i have been all about myself, but seems like the same for my friends. everytime we talk it's all about what happened to me in camp, me outfield, me suffering, me enjoying, me everything. nobody's listening at all, stop talking, take a breath, just ask them. it's exasperating, not to be heard but listening, keep giving and giving not expecting to recieve, but still waiting and waiting, till you run yourself dry of faith and stop. what's your source of faith, aka motivation? i have been going on empty fuel since God knows when. some are inspired, permanently motivated, a certain unique memory etched in their minds so deep it transcend them to a being of a higher level, where there is no need for fuel, when will it be my turn? personally i can't be bothered, just waiting for NS to be out.

i am so sick of the army, to all pieces of shit out there with inferior complex. you may wear a higher rank then me, who cares what shit you went through, i don't even care what amount of respect you deserve. all i can say is have fun with me while you can, when NS is over you are just a loser asswipe. to think that we are all well in twenties and above and you don't even know or care about the consequences, how have you spent your growing years, it's about time to wake up and start thinking, unless you live with no tommorow in mind, stop being a fuckwit for your own good. anyway i've had enough of suffering, all through from secondary school to JC i've gone through worse shit then in army, why brag about suffering as if you are so damn macho. you might have suffered more you say but given the circumstances who couldn't have pulled it through.

time and stress displays a man's true colours, mine were ugly during my army infancy, guess it must have made a permanent impression, no matter how much effort i put in it doesn't change anything at all, i don't care, i don't ask for anything, it's a good lesson learnt, and a bloody good eye-opener to see life without stress. let me remind those that chose to lead, whatever responsibilities and downfall your choice brings you, you chose it, so stop whining. it's like signing a contract, don't say you didn't read the parenthesis. must say i kinda want to improve my leadership skills but without all this responsibility but there's no free lunch. the leadership blood runs in the family, me being the fuck up. i hate responsibility yet i can't stand things not done properly or efficiently. all this time i chose to ignore everything to enjoy being free of stress and responsibility, but it's inevitable this burden, now i find it hard to revert back to my old self.

knowing that i can't book out next week sucks, but knowing it last minute would be worse. hate last minute shit work, especially anything to do with army.

"somebody get me out of here" - Green Day, Homecoming

i'm so full of unvented emotions.

just did guard duty for a motherfucking bastard. i've always tried to avoid using vulgarities on my blog but this fucker really deserves it. he was supposed to do guard on friday, which is a book out day, then he feigns sick saying he's got fever then somehow i have to do the duty for him, which i don't motherfucking understand why. just before i just did two CONSECUTIVE weekend regimental duties, which meant that i burnt two lousy weekend days guarding the camp, to make myself even more ineligible, i was part of the ndp contingent, which was not supposed to do guard duty for this month. i can't believe ky cannot find anybody else, furthermore by asking me to cover this fucker's duty he's asking me to change my plans last minute for the second consecutive time. why the fuck did i agree to cover that lousy asshole. in the end the motherfucker didn't report sick and insisted to see a doctor outside, for fuck man. that fucking shows that he does not have fever so he cannot report sick in camp because he would be caught malingering. you know what, until yesterday i still believed that i should be nice to people and i end up getting exploited like this what the fuck man. no more mister nice guy in the army for me anymore, i'm not doing anybody any motherfucking favors forever and you can all rot and burn in hell till you scream your throat bleeding in front of me and i don't give a flying fuck. this fucking company is the worst bunch of people i have ever seen and i've had enough. to all you asswipes that offended me you better fucking watch out, i would do anything to get back at all of you, you all fucking pissed me off. of cos there are also a few good men in the company, don't piss me off either, my rage knows no boundaries. anyway this fucker made me do his duty for nothing without even guilty, shameful or paiseh at all, that is like adding fuel to the fire within me. you know what i hope you fucking cannot have kids because you smoke your fucking balls till they rot off and drop you fucking wussy, the world would be a better place without you or any of your children. what your parents didn't teach you how to behave, bet your probably the son of a whore that's why nobody taught you and your mum's too busy dealing with syphillis to teach you how not to be a bastard. i hope you die a slow and painful death and i can be there laughing and spitting at you as you draw your final breath you little bastard.

gee got so many things to blog about, but i'm too lazy to get my thoughts organized.

first things first i caught this viral fever yesterday, went all the way up to 39.0°C, seems like 3-5 days ago there were 3 or 4 other casualties. on that day i reported sick there were 9 other pehpoos with the same problem and 4 pending cases, for a while i thought sars or bird flu was back. feeling perfectly well now, MO gave me 5 days worth of anti-biotics, how sian.

was supposed to be sent to paya lebar medical centre, halfway there horse gave me a called and asked me to head back, then the dumbass driver took a long way back, probably to clock mileage or kilometerage, with me and ah goh suffering at the back. was the same driver for live firing, my detachment were all sitting at the back with stores and he drove like nobody's business, riding through humps as if the tonner has state-of-the-art suspension giving all the stores a toss every now and then. when me and goh got back seems like dr steven suddenly decided to attend to us, not that he wasn't present in the medical centre before me and ah goh were ready to move out to paya lebar. hah probably dr steven's at mambo now.

literally spent my last weekend with bao and chua, had so much talk about a side project, even came up with the name . it was more of exasperation that we settled down to a cheesy band name i guess, think we should change it again. most of the time chua was on the mike singing some lifehouse song shucks.ed is jamming with mik's band, muru is awol guess i only have bao and chua left. anyway i think chua can write lyrics(not refering to your latest entry on your blog about the sexual fantasy nonsense) and sing, and bao can learn fast on guit or bass, as for me i guess i should manage the band. i'm all for the improvement and development of the band, giving it exposure, experience and all, and probably because i'm have the least musical contribution to make. think i still got a lot more to learn about theory and scales. how paiseh this guy keeps teaching me new stuff about theory and scales and obviously he knows much more than me and he calls me slash. think i must go learn more stuff from him he's really good at explaining and teaching. had a trio unplugged session with john and shawn but we only knew how to play sweet child, or rather it was only me with the limited song library. lots of socks to be pulled or socks to be pulled higher here.

learnt how to start up a two-stroke piston bike and rode it for 5 metres before it auto shutdown. guess i only mastered 15% of half-clutch release startup feel, should play around more den can be shen haha. nearly smashed. bao's 3k second hand bike on one side against the tar hah!

jamming was shitty, think i was on the verge of getting sick tt's why. couldn't tune my guitar, couldn't hear anything at all, just felt lethargic, playing off beat and off key more often than not. think i should go get a tuner.

ed said he saw her at phuture last friday, gee of all the friday i went she wasn't there and when i had live firing....@$@#$%@$^#$ anyway i'm not hard up to see her, don't want to think about it anymore. I"M GAY NOW! CHEERS!

live firing was pretty dumb, walking into an enclosed room and discharging live rounds into many layers of rubber pads, there wasn't even any realness to it, just so mechanical.

company life is getting worse, no pt kit, sleeping or listening to mp3 during office hours, not that we were wimpy or wad but there is simply nothing to do at all. i'm even more pissed off by the fact that i have to go for route marches short of full battle order for single digit distances, and when we walked past bus stops we get laughed at. think we should just focus on physical fitness instead, even if you intend to pump up combat fitness conduct a proper and good training not some wussy route march. to think that rsm was saying that people from our company was bitching and moaning about how tough training was.

a man's character can only be brought out by the people around him, somehow i just don't feel so motivated anymore back in 4th coy. think it's the people there, the peple there are quite full of shit. chengwang was mumbling about the company waiting for people to sign extras, and how right he was, when queen slut was awarded one and it was written on the noice board, all the flies started flying to him like shit, and asked how much he wanted to sell the extra without a single hint of concern in their voices. to me this is the kind of people that ought to get punched in the face.

think i need to burn some fats near the lower abs, need to quit drinking, quit clubbing. could have gone for mambo tonight but from now on i will weigh my choices more towards a healthy lifestyle.

started playing MGS2 and got stuck, when i checked the faq i realised the game was freaking short and i am quite close to the end already. really really really hope to be in the NDP contingent, it's the reason that motivated me in atec.